I'll be there for you...

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year
but..

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

You're still in bed at ten
And work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast
So far... things are goin' great

Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
Oh but she didn't tell you when the world has brought
You down to your knees that...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...




Now, thats the theme song of the television show  F.R.I.E.N.D.S. You must have heard it before...


I want to dedicate this song to some of my friends, both old and new; before the year ends, to let you know that I am grateful that you people exist, I appreciate your presence in my life and I'll be there for you too...


Some of my friends to whom I want to dedicate this song necessarily are: Rupali, Hanu, Siddharth, Ashish Sir, Aanchal, Shanky, Ankit, Richa, Deepika and Aasim.

Christmas Presents

Lately, I have cut down all my links to the outer world. Temporarily, I have given up on socializing, both in the real and virtual worlds. Though I am sure, this phase is temporary, I am also sure it might last longer than I expect it to be. With too many opinions floating around, things have started to become a little difficult for me. I haven't learnt to cope with them yet. Looks like I am still brand new.

With Christmas just around the corner, I am totally in the Christmas spirit and ready with Christmas presents for everyone. In fact, I have already given away to most of them.
The most important one was: forgiveness. The present for the people who did something bad to me in the year gone by. Somethings are better given away then with held. So, I chose to give it away and let go of many bad memories which I do not want to take with me into the next year. Because the gift was to be given to all those people who were bad or mean to me, I had to accept to gift too. The most difficult task I have ever done in my life was just this: Forgiving myself. But, this done, shoulders feel less burdened and heart a lot lighter. I was even singing this morning, and that too after a long gap of about 7 months. A real big deal!

For all my friends, I have Love. I am proud to say that I have always had it in abundance in my heart for my friends. They mean a lot to me. So, its just a renewal of my vow this Christmas.

And not to forget myself, I have Self-respect as my Christmas present for me. We often compromise on it in our life, in various situations and Christmas is a wonderful time to give it back to ourselves. A little act of kindness to somebody is enough to get it back. This is what I am going do.

This has come as an afterthought. There are people in our lives whom we cannot really love because they are not friends but we cannot hate them because they are not enemies either. They are just acquaintances. For these people, I have trust: a present I have held too close to me for too long.

These are of the few steps I need to take this year to go happily into the next one. I want to take no bad lessons into next year. All that I want to take along with me is lots of love and some innocence.

A lesson I learnt...

There is this line I came across a few minutes back.
"A baby is born with the need to be loved and never outgrows it."

We all want to be loved and be cared for. It is an inbuilt need of every human heart. The biggest disease in the world is to feel being not needed.
So, when a heart is expecting love, rejection hurts. It may be from a parent, a teacher, a sibling, a friend or a lover. Immaterial to what a relationship is, when it matters to a person, rejection obviously hurts.
When you love, and it is not returned, it hurts. And when it happens to a person pretty early in life, he accepts it as a reality of the world, a reality of life. But, this certainly is not the truth.
We are beautiful creatures of God who deserve to be loved.
I have learnt from personal experience and not from a manual on "how to live your life well", that does not matter if someone else cares or not; what matters is if you do or not.
But, this not what I want to talk about here. I want to share a perspective that I developed over time, about one such situation.

I made some friends a few months ago. I felt that they were the best people I had ever met. I could go on and on for hours, if I sat to praise these people. To me they were faultless, perfect people. It continued for until 3 months ago, and then I realized that they were totally human. And realizing this was a terrible experience. I am still friends with some of them, but others are not in my life anymore. Not getting into details of how this rejection came about, but still I was rejected from this group and it HURT.
But, what I realized was that it was God's way to give me a lesson.
The lesson was that, we are dealing with HUMANS here. And, we cannot determine what the other person feels about us, whatever proximity or affinity we happen to share with them. But, we can always decide what we want. We can always decide how we want to be treated. People are just a medium to give away love. And they cannot make you feel it until you want to feel it yourself and neither can somebody make you feel bad or rejected, until you want to do it yourself. If you want to be loved, then you should have faith that it is available in abundance in this world. Its just that the person you are expecting it from does not choose to be a medium of that ubiquitous love. Keep looking, it is just on its way.
Each one of us has to feel responsible for our own lives. We cannot let people who make us feel bad or rejected stay in our lives. It is a masochistic act to keep them in your life.
That is exactly what I did. Though I kept inflicting pain on myself in the beginning thinking about what I had lost until yesterday. But, then I realized that you don't loose a thing until you have yourself. And, fortunately, I still do have myself.
P.S. Though this might sound very stupid, weird, narcissistic and selfish. It might also sound like a "grapes are sour" reaction; but I really think that all the hurt that I felt, was not even worth it. I really have not lost a thing in comparison to what I have found. I have found a treasure of friendship, though I realized it a little late. And, I am lucky to be out of the group now.
If I was ever offered to be the group again, will I join it? No. I deserve better.

Facing my "Reality"

Networking sites these days are pretty popular among youngsters and I am no exception.
I happened to join Facebook a few days ago and happened to find an old friend there.
Now, this friend is no ordinary friend. He was my first crush and the infatuation/love/attraction has happened to last longer than expected. I have thought of the guy, have written poems for him, etc. when he has almost no clue about me even liking him. Almost half a decade has gone by since the first time I saw this guy and fell in love with him. It was first sight love, at least I like to believe that.
I was in love with everything he did: be it the way he shook hands with me on his birthday or the way he shook his head to mock an essay I wrote. Be it the way he talked so much or be it the way he danced to his favorite music.  I loved him, everything he did; his choice of music, games or any other activity.
Without getting into further insignificant details, it was like I was in love with am image and a face. I was in love with an ILLUSION.
We were in the same class for three years, and then I left the school. Later my friends told me about how he had started smoking, drinking and that he now kept bad company. I refused to believe any of it. But now, after seven and a half years, I happened to see his pics on Facebook and saw him with a cigarette in his hand and smoke coming out of his nose instead of his mouth. He is now a chain smoker.
Did this "reality" hurt? Yes.
Did the illusion feel better? Yes.
I have nothing to do with this guy now. I will probably never see him again, despite that this reality hurt.
Similarly, in life there a lot of "realities" that hurt and still lack any significance what so ever.
My point here is that, we are here in this world not to face realities but to create realities. In this world, where there is no absolute truth, I believe in creating and living my own realities and truth. It feels better and it keeps me happy. So why face realities? Even in this case, I will still choose to be in love the guy I previously thought he was because then I can hope that some day, I will meet a man who will fit into it perfectly.
The greatest gift to a man from God is "free will". Everyone has the power to makes choices, but then there are consequences. I would rather believe an inconsequential lie and stay happy than face a "reality" and subject myself to despair. I know its not smart, but thats the way I choose to be.
The one thing I can never live without is hope. If a lie would keep me hoping, I would rather just believe the lie.
Thats my way of staying happy. :-)

Break away...

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway


Thats exactly how I feel living in this small town.
I have had enough of this place. It has given me a lot but I guess I need more experience and better one too.
Because this place has given me my share of happiness and heartbreaks, I don't think I will ever be able to forget this place but I want to forget the rules that this place has taught me. I want to forget the rules and fly away. I want to unlearn gravity which keeps pulling me down. Its time I fly.
I have a dream. The only dream that I have ever seen. I want to get into IIM-A. I want to pursue this dream now and this is all I want to do. I want put everything aside and chase my dream, my only dream.
I don't belong here. I want to break away... 

Circle of Love

It just occurred to me that in life or I should say, this world, nothing is linear.
I was going through a bad phase of life, a really sad one. I lost a very dear friend of mine. I miss him.
But, it is only in such adversities that people happen to grow and become wise. Mine is just another such case.
I just realized that, human relationships are very complicated and what makes them complicated is expectations. When you expect and you don't get it, you start to feel negative about the concerned person and later yourself. But, you know whatever goes around, comes around.
This is my new lesson. When love goes around, it will come around. There may be a chance, that it may not come through the channel you expected it to come from. I have been angry with a friend for a while now. Lets call this friend X. X thinks that he is a very charming person and can get anything from you whenever he wants. He is cute and he knows it.
X always takes help from me and never bothers to help me in return. And I had literally started hating this fact until today, when I realized that there are people who help me and I am never able to return it to them. But this is how it goes. The whole thing is not linear, its a circle. A Circle of LOVE. Your help will go around, and someday come around, through a channel you were not even counting on.
So, next time a mean friend happens to come to you for help, don't refuse. Somethings don't vanish in the air. They always come back through other friends. Have faith.
And there was this other thing, loving someone is never a waste. Keep loving, b'coz its not a linear process. You might not recieve love from the person you love, but do not lie in despair. Look out, there are other people who love you. Keep looking, I have a sneeky suspision that "when you reach out for someone with one of your hands, someone is atleast bound to catch the other one".
Thats what I call the Circle of Love.
P.S. This blog is dedicated to all my friends, who reached out for my hand, when I had lost all hope. Thank you people, you guys saved my soul and my heart.

Love (U have the option of not reading this one)

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."


These are beautiful lines. Are they not?
The world today has glorified love as a feeling that can be shared only by a boy and a girl. We should take to time to think about the other forms of love as well.
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend. He has this habit of trying to "win" in everything he does. Why do we have to win? What is it that life is, if we are trying to win? A competition or a war?
Why should I ever enter a war? A war signifies hatred in one or the other form. It hampers love and makes a man kill his brother. No. That is not the way I see life.
I feel that with so much hatred in the world, people's faith in love and its power is diminishing but the fact still remains that hatred can destroy but its only love that can create.
Have you ever taken a careful look at the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of your life? A very major part of it consists of the people you love and even then here is the world, so angry and violent that we are not even able to believe that love exists.
Talking about relationships, I am not good at keeping them but yes, I am trying to learn from my not-so-good past experiences.
To me love is my reason to live. Its my love for me, my sister, my parents, my friends. They are all very important for me. I have had my share of setbacks in relationships and I could call them them bitter experiences but the thing is that in love, nothing is bitter. It is all about knowing and understanding. We fail to understand love. We glamorize it. But, the truth is that love is the most basic feeling.
What is funny is that youngsters think that just because they have had a break up or someone whom they loved, failed to return it, love does not exist. Oh come on! Relationships break because of lack of maturity and not because of lack of love. Love stays on in various forms. Sometimes that form is hatred. But we fail to understand the true nature of it.
Expectations kill relationships. And in love there should not be any.
To me love and happiness are related. If I hate some one else, I cannot love myself either. And that way, I'll be unhappy. So, I have this simple funda of not hating people.
It is just my stance on this sort of a stuff. Nothing else.

Yes, I am a GIRL...

Of course I am a girl but does mean that when I feel jealous, people will give that obvious sigh and say that "We should have expected this. You are a girl after all." I hate this reaction. I hate being called a girl and I have hated it since I was a little girl. My Grand Ma hates me and loves my sister because she can do the kitchen stuff better than me. Now, why is it that girls have been given this weird image of being the evil creatures who keep bitching around, gossip, have no sense, and should do nothing but manage home. Is this not unfair?
Have you ever met guy who has never gossiped in his life? I haven't. So why is there this stigma attached a girl that if you tell her something it is bound to be gossiped about; and if two girls are friends, they are not actually friends, they are secretly enemies.
I have a lot of friends in girls like Aanchal and my sister, even Deepika is a great friend but the thing is that I hate being compared to either of them. All of us are different souls and each soul has a different journey. Then why should anyone compare one of us with the others. I am not jealous just that I hate this tendency of comparison.
Also, something has been troubling me for a while now. Why is it that, however much I try to act mature and good, I end up hating Meenal? Is is envy?
Until last night, I was convinced that it was. But since then I have been analysing the whole situation. How can I envy a person with whom I have nothing in common except that our gender is the same? We come from very different family backgronds, have different friends, have different ideas about life. Then what is it that makes me hate her so much? Its not envy at all.
Its my intolerance of little stupid things she does which I am very particular about. Thats it.
I don't have the slightest of an idea why I am writing this post. Perhaps it is to calm myself down and put an end to the plethora of negative and angry thoughts coming into my mind right now, but its my blog and I can do it.
I just want myself to know that I am a human and I am not the ideal creation of God, but still I am a nice person at heart and that is who I am. If I can live the rest of my life being myself, without faking my choices and being me, I'll consider it my life well lived and perfect in its own respect. I will like it if people see me as a human and not categorize me as being a girl.
I am proud of being a girl and I despite being the evil creature, men think a girl is; it is only a girl who is capable of the love and care a mother, sister and a wife bestow upon men.

Just to share a pasing thought...

I strongly believe that every one we meet as walk the road of life, is a teacher in one or the other way. And each person comes into your life to teach you something and learn something from you. Your experience with him teaches you something and likewise, his experience with you teaches him something. And these two things will never be the same nor is it necessary that each one of us will learn something consciously.
It depends solely on a person, what he wants to extract out of every situation. It is upto a person to feel joy or despair in the best or worst of circumstances.
Similar is the case with a book. When 2 people read the same book, it is not necessary that they will understand the text in the same context. The reason is that both the people are standing at different points on the road of life.
Getting back to the point, I was saying that everyone is a teacher. Then why do we hate people who give us difficult lessons??? Why is the lack of faith in destiny that whatever is happening is happening is happening for good??
It is amusing to see people blame each other for being hurt, cursing others, hating others, etc.
I understand that, when something goes wrong, you are hurt. You put your blame on your freind, the circumstances, destiny, God, etc. and move on. But by doing that we throw away the lesson our teacher intended to give to us.
A break up with a bf/gf or betrayal of a trusted friend: these are the best examples. Why hate these people who took the evil on their name to teach you something that you needed to learn. These people have done you a favour, the best of your friends wouldn't do for you. I sincerely think that these people do not deserve your hatred at all. They deserve respect.
The more you will hate these people, the worse you will feel about yourself. So, by not hating them and respecting them as teachers, recognizing the lesson and accepting them with love, you' ll do yourself a big favour.
I will not ask you to forgive them, because you do not forgive your teachers, you respect them. And by showing respect and love for these people, you'll show faith in the universe and with faith in destiny and love, you can can conquer the world.